So on Sunday I finally watched the third lame Transformers movie. My review in summary: it's sad the cartoon episodes this was based on were better-written. Seriously. I mean the Decepticons say, "Hey, we're gonna rape your planet for resources and then leave if you shoot the Autobots into space." And we say, "Mmmkay, go ahead and rape our planet." Yeah, that makes sense. Conversely in a two-part cartoon series episode the Decepticons frame the Autobots for numerous attacks around the world and then us idiot humans decide we should ask the Autobots to leave. Cartoon 1, Michael Bay 0.
(And in my old Transformers fanfic novel, the Decepticons are defeated and us idiot humans start demanding our Autobot "liberators" should take a hike to leave Earth for humans. Me 1, Michael Bay still 0.)
Anyway, the point of this wasn't simply to point out that Michael Bay and that other guy who wrote the movie suck more than 10 cartoon show writers whose idea of writing dialog mainly consisted of stringing terrible puns together. My actual point is what really annoys me most of all about the Bay movies is after the first one, there wasn't a single good robot character introduced.
And here's why: none of them had any personality! In lieu of personality, the writers just assigned every character a cultural/ethnic stereotype. It goes beyond the racist "twins" from the second one (who like Jar Jar Binks brought on a well-deserved backlash for being obnoxious Jim Crow-inspired cartoons). The little RC car is a gangster. The "Jetfire" character is a grumpy old man. In the new one the Ferrari is stereotypical Italian. The "wreckers" are British soccer hooligans, despite the fact they change into American race cars. The only Autobot from the last two movies close to having an interesting personality was Sentinel Prime, voiced by Leonard Nimoy.
So here's a tip for all you writers out there: a cliche accent does not make an interesting character. If you want to create an interesting and memorable character, you need to actually give that character a personality. It goes beyond just an accent. Primarily the character needs some baggage. Emotional baggage that is. The reason I said Sentinel Prime was the only one to have anything close to an interesting personality was because he had some emotional baggage. As the former leader of the Autobots, he decided the best way to save their home of Cybertron was to start working with Decepticons. Well there you, go, that's something to work with! Emotion + conflict=interesting. Wow, what a revolutionary concept! Also, he's not just a cultural stereotype with a bad accent.
My favorite two Transformers back in the '80s (besides Optimus Prime) were always Jetfire and Grapple. Jetfire first off because he was based on the Veritech fighters from Robotech/Macross, so he looked really sweet. In addition to that, according to his file card and the backstory from the TV show (where he was renamed Skyfire) Jetfire is a scientist who doesn't really like fighting and believes the search for knowledge is the way to solve our problems. In the TV show he crashes on Earth millions of years ago while he and Starscream are exploring the area. Later he's thawed out and initially joins the Decepticons until realizing that his old buddy Starscream has turned into an evil whack job. See, that's how you do it! You have emotional baggage through the character's conflict with other characters and the situation as a whole. As for Grapple, he wasn't as cool of a toy, just a crane that was a repainted Inferno or Inferno was a repainted him. His personality was more interesting though in that back on Cybertron he was an architect who designed beautiful buildings and now struggles with being a soldier. Again, we have emotional baggage from the character's conflict.
Perhaps the saddest thing is that this is so freaking easy to do! If some Hasbro schlub could do it on a file card or 10 hack cartoon writers could do it in the '80s, what the hell is wrong with a major movie studio that they can't figure it out? And shame on you Steven Spielberg for allowing your name to be associated with that bullshit!
So anyway, now are you starting to see how you can make characters have more interesting personalities? The thing to remember is that it doesn't just apply to cartoon or computer-generated robots. The same rules apply for any type of character.
I'd mail this to Michael Bay, but he'd probably just blow it up.
Interesting post. I liked the first Transformers movie because it had that amusing discovery factor of the boy finding out about Bumblebee.
ReplyDeleteThat element couldn't be used again in the second movie, and it seemed to me that whoever wrote it thought the second movie would entertain through continual explosions and fighting with few breaks, etc while having limited characterization. So the second movie was terrible. I guess they hope to make money off kids because kids (at least mine) would go see a Transformer movie in a heartbeat.
As for the third movie, I haven't seen it.
Yeah, they do suck. But man, stuff blows up good!
ReplyDeleteI suppose you can take too far, like George Lucas, who decided that everyone in the SW universe is related or has a history together. I can envision him brainstorming for ep 1 and thinking its a brilliant idea to have Vader make 3PO, or have Boba Fett be a clone, or have Chewy and Yoda know each other - after a while you just start rolling you eyes.
I thought the first one was one of the worst movies I've ever seen. I can imagine how bad the sequel was. And yet they probably made a lot of money....
ReplyDeleteMichael Bay and Steven Spielberg are laughing at you all the way to the bank. The Transformers franchise is a goldmine for the movie studios and has been raking in money hand over fist. NO one cares about acting...just special effects and loud noises. The masses of boys out there that love these films all have an IQ that hovers around 80 to 100 and enough money to buy a ticket.
ReplyDeleteI suppose at this point Spielbergo is just taking the money. Doesn't he have enough by now?
ReplyDeleteAnyway, I forgot to mention how crappy most of the humans are too, though I fast-forwarded most of those parts, especially the ones with Shia Labaouf's mom. Gawd, was she annoying. And the shameless opening cheesecake shot of the underwear model's half-bare ass as she's climbing up the stairs. Oy vey.
'Ey, wotza matta wit usin' a accent as a whatchoo-call-it, characterizin' device and whatnot? Too Ay Pozzo!
ReplyDeleteEnough conflict for you? I'm not sure what I was going for there, since in my mind, that's my Harry Truman voice.
I don't mind loud, fast, stupid movies any more than I mind pop music; I don't usually like it but sometimes I just want something fun. And characterization doesn't automatically fall into line from backstory. Take MI:3. Tom Cruise is SuperHusband, not willing to come back and work for the organization because he loves his wife more than anything and is happy training people...
... but then he does come back and maybe we're supposed to believe that everything he does after that is for the good of his wife who he inadvertently endangered by coming back only the bad guy already knew who he was and so his wife was in danger simply because of his past and then in the end, he relied on Fake Katie Holmes to protect HIM because if he stayed alive long enough to shoot whoever was coming, he'd die, so he had to kill himself and rely on his wife, who'd only just ever been handed a gun for the first time ever, to protect both herself AND him...
... so what's the characterization there?
Not that I noticed any of that stuff while it was going on.
I get your point, though: characters are more interesting when there's a reason why they act the way they do.
Just to say it, Bay is a whack job. When he's out at the Ranch, he makes them clear out all the "little people" so that no one will see him. Seriously, he doesn't want anyone looking at him.
ReplyDeleteYou can't blame Spielberg for the horrible storytelling in Transformers. He's a Producer. All that means is he puts up the money. And why wouldn't he? I'd put up the money if I had it for one of these films and then scoop massive profits. This is a FUCKING BUSINESS. When Spielberg really wants to get involved in a project, he gets his hands dirty and his name goes under "Director". Those films are amazing. But he rarely does it anymore. He's got Warhorse coming out in December and I intend on seeing it because it has Spielberg's MO written all over it. But yeah...in between projects like that...he likes to make a buck. He's Jewish...they've always loved making money. So it's prudent to invest in a franchise that pumps nothing but cold hard cash. And to answer your question...no he doesn't have enough. There is never enough money...EVER. Billionaires want so much that they can choke on it. Greed is very American and is alive and well. If the USA were a whore with huge tits, the greedy would suck on them until her face caved in. That's a fact.
ReplyDeleteAs much as I like those foreign accents, you're totally right.
ReplyDeleteWatching the movies makes me wistful for the G1 series, of which I own half (haven't gotten around to getting the second half). After becoming a fan of the original cartoon, you see the lack of depth and emphasis on violence and "Bay"splosions in the movie--even G1 had more, I guess, meaning at its bottom.
Yeah, I saw the first one and thought it had a few moments. But the second one was unwatchable, and me and the missus turned it off halfway through. I. Just. Didn't. Care.
ReplyDelete