It's the end of Doom & Gloom Week, which I'm sure you're all happy about. Is today the doomiest, gloomiest post ever? Um, maybe.
So last Saturday I took my annual pilgrimage to Lexington, Michigan to take some pictures of the beautiful scenery on Lake Huron. (If you follow me on Facebook you would see those pictures. See what you're missing? No you don't, not until you follow me on Facebook, but that's kind of a Catch-22...) Along the way I got into one of my depressed moods where I think, "Man, things really suck. I should change things up."
Inevitably I think I should try and do more good things. Go do some charity work and stuff. That always leads to the problem that I don't really feel that strongly about any causes. At least not strong enough that I'm going to go sit around in a tent or tip over a news van. When it comes to charity, I'm more of the Homer Simpson mindset of, "Can't someone else do it?"
Fighting evil and injustice is all fine and good, but do I really have to get out of my recliner? And ya know, I feel bad for the homeless people and homeless animals, but being around them would make me sad. I feel bad for people with cancer and whatnot too, but you really expect me to walk a marathon? Asking me to walk 26.2 feet is probably too much.
All told that probably puts me one rung below Kim Kardashian on the soullessness scale. (Or would it be one rung above? Whichever means I'm slightly less evil and soulless than Kim Kardashian.) Or maybe it's not that I'm soulless so much as lazy and cynical.
When I got to Lexington I thought maybe I should do something with nature. Despite being a lazy fatass I like nature. Especially nature when no annoying people are around to fuck it up. So maybe I should go work with the Sierra Club or something.
Except the thought that struck me then is how arbitrary this all seems. I mean, why not just pick a cause out of a hat? Or throw at a dartboard to choose something. I might as well because in the final analysis I really don't feel that strong enough pull towards any one thing. Now if I get cancer (or someone close to me does) or when I become homeless then I'll feel a much stronger pull towards those causes. Because that's how a lot of people pick their causes. Would Michael J. Fox care about Parkinson's research if he didn't have Parkinson's? Would Lance Armstrong care about cancer if he hadn't had cancer? Probably not.
So it struck me too how inherently selfish it would be to do anything at all. Because I wouldn't be doing anything for whatever cause because I wanted to or truly believed in it. I'd be volunteering because I want to assuage my liberal guilt. Which really puts me one rung below (or above) people like Lindsey Lohan who are forced to do community service after committing a crime. Or maybe this is just a copout because really I'd rather stay home watching 90s TV shows on Netflix or writing at the Panera Bread about other people's problems than actually doing anything.
But hey, I did write a book about gay marriage, so I think that counts as social crusading. Maybe that puts me TWO rungs below (or above) Kim Kardashian. Keep up with that, bitch!
I think one of the things that turned me off some charities stemmed back to just after my divorce, I had custody of my kid, and was forced to quit my job because I couldn't work outside of daycare hours. I cashed in my retirement (paid ungodly penalties) and tried to find work. It took me about a year to find a job (a real one, I did work a Wal Mart & a comic book store during that year) and when I got on at my real job they were in the middle of building a house for a needy person.
ReplyDeleteThat needy person, by every metric I could use, was better off than I was. They made more money than me, they already had a better apartment than me, and now I was expected to help build her a house for "charity".
I'm not sure the system is perfect. Why don't you start a charity? Most money raised goes to administrative costs anyway, and I guess the rest goes to building homes for middle class single parents.
I like what Rusty said. You could start a charity while sitting on your fatass in your comfy chair and get other people to do the work. :) I like the idea of helping single parents.
ReplyDeleteI was a single mom for about five years with full custody and a full time job. I spent a fortune on childcare - like equivalent to college tuition - just so I could work. I was lucky to be a little overpaid, but what I needed was respite care - two hours a week where I could just sleep. It would have been good for my kids.
Starting a charity would be way more effort (and expense) than just volunteering somewhere. Also, a charity for what? Although I do frequently donate money to my worthless relatives, so that's something.
ReplyDeleteIf you must champion a cause, champion against discrimination for those who are fat/obese. People want to start taxing fat people for being overweight and putting a cigarette-style tax on foods deemed unhealthy.
ReplyDeleteTaxing fat people might actually be a good idea. Maybe then I'd be motivated to get off my ass and get in shape.
ReplyDeleteYou know, I think you should be a super hero... well, except you'd be someone like Captain Ambivalence.
ReplyDelete"I can't decide whom to save!"
You know, if you're seriously hoping to do the charity thing out of a sense of guilt, then I'd just throw out there that I have a friend who was very religious and used to pay 10% of his income to his church, and he was very insistent of doing it.
ReplyDeleteAfter becoming someone disillusioned with church, he went a long time without attending, but he kept keeping that 10% stashed away every pay check. Eventually he decided to just start giving it away to people he felt could use it. He would run into someone that was about to be evicted from their apartment or something, and he had $500 laying around that he'd already decided to give away and so, boom. Deed done.
He got all the satisfaction of helping people, without any of that anonymity that often comes with doing good deeds through a charity or other social service. So he got tons of credit from people, adding to his happiness.
Liberal guilt is a bitch! I just found your blog and really like it. I"ll be back for more.
ReplyDeleteYour PhD of Awesomeness is not as shiny as my expert critic.
ReplyDeleteAnd that is criticism you can take to the bank!