A Grumpy Bulldog Christmas

Michael Offutt complained about my last Christmas story for Heather's contest.  So here's a brand spanking new story!  Of course being a Grumpy Bulldog this isn't going to rhyme.  Dr. Seuss sucks ass.  Of course this would look better if I could draw the pictures to go with it, but oh well, deal with it.

(Inspired by true events!)

Or How Grumpy Bulldog Stole Prometheus & Made a Supra Genius Cry

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Once upon a time there was a Grumpy Bulldog who lived in a dark cave.

He spent most of his days reading his dusty old books and writing in his old ledgers.

Then one day he heard a knock on his door.  “Who could that be?” Grumpy Bulldog thought.

He opened the door to see a monkey standing there.  “Can I help you?” Grumpy Bulldog asked.

“My name is Michael and I moved into the tree over there,” the monkey said and pointed to the tree.

“That’s nice,” Grumpy Bulldog said and tried to close the door, but not before the monkey invited himself inside.

“Have you seen this trailer for Prometheus?” Michael the monkey asked and held out his phone.

“No and I think you should go,” Grumpy Bulldog said, but the monkey would not leave.

He kept showing Grumpy Bulldog the trailer, along with interviews and plot summaries.  Day after day it was always the same.

Finally Grumpy Bulldog hatched a most ingenious scheme:  he would make sure the monkey could never see his movie.

So one night Grumpy Bulldog went to 20^th Century Fox and he snuck into the vault.

He found the movie and soon he was gone, back to his cave where he laughed himself silly.

“Now that annoying monkey will never see his movie and then I will have some peace and quiet,” he thought as he went to sleep.

But the next day Michael the monkey came overall in tears.  “My movie is gone.  Now what will I do?” he asked.

“That’s none of my problem.”   Grumpy Bulldog went back to his reading.  Now he would have no more trouble from that annoying monkey again.

Months later when the first snow fell, Grumpy Bulldog heard a knock on his door.

He saw Michael the monkey, shivering with cold.  “Can I share your cave?” the monkey asked.  “It’s very cold outside.”

Seeing how cold the monkey looked, Grumpy Bulldog’s heart softened.  “Come in, my friend,” he said.  “Make yourself at home.”

They stayed in the cave for several days, until one day Michael woke Grumpy Bulldog up and said, “Today is Christmas Day!”

Then the monkey held out a banana.  “Here my friend, have my last banana!”

“That is very nice,” Grumpy Bulldog said, “but I don’t have anything for you.”

Then Grumpy Bulldog remembered the film he had stole.  “I think I have just the thing!”

So Grumpy Bulldog found a copy of the movie and wrapped it up nice.  “Wait until he sees this surprise!”

That night Grumpy Bulldog gave his friend the movie.  “What a wonderful gift!”

They watched the movie and Michael said, “Now wasn’t that neat?”

“It wasn’t so bad,” Grumpy Bulldog said.  “Not so bad at all.”

Later Grumpy Bulldog settled into bed, feeling far less grumpy.  “What a great Christmas it’s been.  But now it must end.”

THE END