Anyway, so I was thinking that if I have any cause it should be to educate people on driving better. I need to go wrangle some celebrity into doing a PSA for me. I think my slogan would be something like, "Stop driving like douchebags!"
Because really I see the same stupid shit every fucking day when I go to and from work. (Admittedly sometimes it's me doing the stupid shit.) You got your assholes who rocket along in the right lane at 90mph until they have to slam on the brakes because (big surprise!) slower traffic is merging onto the highway in that lane. Then you got your assholes weaving in and out of lanes in slow traffic, as if that's going to do much good. I get a nice chuckle when I look in my rearview mirror five miles down the road and see that idiot BEHIND me. Because really sometimes staying in the same lane is just as fast as all that bobbing and weaving, if not faster. Then are the morons who tailgate one car after the next even though traffic is slow. Look, you buffoon, riding my ass isn't going to instantly clear away the two miles of vehicles ahead of me. And there's the dumb-ass who when traffic starts to slow immediately has to cross 3-4 lanes of traffic to get off at the next exit. That particular douchebag annoys me because I once wrecked my car hitting such a doofus when he tried to cross the entire really wet highway but couldn't before traffic came to a stop. Plus you got the oblivious twits who go 50mph in the left lane when the speed limit is 70mph (and the minimum is 55) so everyone has to scramble to go around them.
On local roads, every day I get off at the exit by the Oakland Mall and every fucking day there's at least one care that's in the middle of the three lanes (if not the right) and has to cross one or two lanes when they realize that the mall is on the LEFT side of the road. Really dumb-ass, you couldn't see that from the ramp? Or from the highway? No, because that would require observational powers. Speaking of which, then you got your assholes too busy yapping on the phone or texting or sleeping or whatever to pay attention to the lights, so they sit there for thirty seconds at a green light.
Then in a whole other category you got the people who don't turn their lights on when it's dark or foggy--something I covered in a prior post. You got the morons who leave their bright headlights on all the time, or do that annoying thing where they have one bright and one normal light. Get a new headlight, cheap ass! And the jerks who can't be bothered to use their turn signal or the idiots who leave it on for three miles.
Then you get that situation where you have two or three lanes turning left or right at the same time and inevitably one jerk on the outside lane has to try turning into one of the inside lanes. Or the jerk on the inside has to try turning into one of the outside lanes. I calling that turning "inside-out". And of course the people who feel red lights don't apply to them. Motorcycles who weave through stopped traffic or go around on the shoulder. Even worse are cars who do that shit.
Oh yes and semis. They're so much fucking fun on the roadways. I just love it when a semi is in the far left lane even though signs say to stay in the right two lanes. But my favorite is when you're on a 4-lane highway, you know with 2 lanes going each direction, and you get one semi trying to pass another semi and of course they're both going like 10 miles under the speed limit. This happened about a half-dozen times last year when I drove from Detroit to Muskegon on I-94. I finally got so fucking tired of it I drove around both asshole truckers on the shoulder. Really I think "Asshole Truckers" would be a great TV show idea, like a cross between "Ice Road Truckers" and "Punk'd" where truckers compete to see who can piss off ordinary drivers the most. That's certainly how it feels some days!
And I'm sure this is only the tip of the iceberg!
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| 35 mpgs, babycakes. |
This has been a public service announcement. (Most profane public service announcement ever?)
I think I have a case of road rage by association. I was laughing throughout this, but I'm betting you needed to go take a walk to cool off after writing it.
ReplyDeleteI think "Stop Driving Like A Douchebag" should be a bumper sticker. I'm with you on all of this, except that I'm really a terribly bad driver and so I'm probably some of those people you complain about. Except I've only been in Michigan once in my life, for a wedding 12 years ago. Did you get annoyed at a purple Hyundai Elantra around that time? That was me.
As for gas prices: How do you know Netflix isn't behind the raise in prices?
A gallon of gas was $0.97 in 1987. Adjusting for inflation, gas would be $3.37 right now:
http://inflationdata.com/inflation/inflation_rate/gasoline_inflation.asp
So the current national average of $3.89 is just a little above where inflation would put it. I blame people speculating on oil futures for keeping the price high. That's capitalism for you.
Briane is certainly right about oil speculation (on Wall Street) causing this jump in gas prices. I also classify myself as a poor driver. I distract easily--oh, look, a pretty cloud--and I try to drive as little as possible. I'm sure my driving has caused many a blood pressure to rise, but I still want to buy one of your Douchebag bumper stickers.
ReplyDeleteI agree. I'm a safe driver. I go the speed limit and get passed all the time. I'm sure I irritate people on the road, but I feel that I need to respect other people and as I get older, my observational skills are not what they used to be (I don't know if they were ever all that great). So I'm constantly watching to make sure I don't injure someone or cause an accident.
ReplyDeleteIn the city, it is particularly dangerous because there are so many pedestrians. I see these poor people almost get run over all the time by hasty drivers who are so wrapped up in where they want to be that they don't see a person standing on the corner of the intersection. They turn and slam on the brakes and almost kill a person or two. It's insane.
Last week a woman walking her child across a busy street in the crosswalk got nailed by a driver. Three lanes of cars had stopped for her. A young woman in haste to get wherever she was going, decided to whip around these parked cars. She didn't see the mother and her child because they were obscured by the cars.
She hit them at 40 miles per hour. The girl died a few days later in the hospital. The mother had injuries but survived.
I shake my head and think, "This is awful. Why did you whip around those cars? Why did you kill that six-year-old girl?"
Driving is probably the most dangerous thing we do on a regular basis. Every time we get behind the wheel of a car we're gambling with our lives. I think driving should be restricted for most people. More public transportation is needed. And tougher tests for would be drivers.
ReplyDelete@Michael: Something similar happened here not too long ago except it was a 5-year-old boy.
ReplyDelete@Rusty: Tougher tests wouldn't work. What they need is some sort of car monitor that you'd have to have for a while (long enough to forget it was there, basically) to see how you really drive.
I'm a good driver. I've never been in an accident (except I was rear-ended once at a stop sign by a kid with a permit out driving with his mom), and I don't speed. In fact, my wife often gets upset with me for not speeding. I just don't think it's worth it.
And the Cash for Clunkers program didn't really help the problem with gas guzzlers. It was an attempt, but it seems like the people who were most likely to turn in their large vehicles were those who bought them during the economic highs in the first place . . .
ReplyDelete