February 10th - Friday - Emotion Flash Fiction: Emotion is the engine of a story. Pick an emotion and in a flash fiction piece of 250 words MAKE us feel it! We want to connect with your character. This will be a challenge in 250 words.
So today I’m supposed to write 250 words that make you feel something. Whatever. I’m lazy, so here’s part of a scene from my forthcoming novel, A Hero’s Journey, where our hero Emma Earl is revisiting her past, specifically the night her parents died. She's literally in two places at once as both her 8-year-old self and her 19-year-old self who is a ghost no one can see.
Young Emma was a good girl. She lay flat on the seat as Mommy had said, not looking at her father. From that position she heard muffled voices and then two loud pops like fireworks. But even at eight years old she knew these weren’t fireworks.
Her mother took off running from the car, probably knowing that it was futile. The two men in ski masks were right behind her, one clutching a black bag that contained the money they had stolen. The other held up a pistol. He wasn’t about to let Mom call the police, despite that she hadn’t seen their faces.
Emma’s ghost screamed at the man to lower the gun. The man didn’t hear her. He fired twice. The first shot caught Mom in the small of the back. The second probably would have also hit her in the back if she hadn’t been falling forward. The bullet smashed into her skull. She pitched forward onto the pavement, where she lay motionless.
One of the men looked back towards the car. He didn’t see young Emma lying flat on the backseat, not making a sound even as her mother lay bleeding in the street. The other man, the one with the gun, shouted, “C’mon, let’s go!”
They took off running, disappearing into the night.
Emma’s ghost knelt beside her mother, turning her over onto her back. Mom’s blue eyes had gone cold and lifeless. These eyes stared at her accusingly. “I’m sorry, Mom.”
Monday is another blogfest. Yay?
I prefer less challenging blogfests. I'm even resistant to having a theme for A-Z. Scary scene.
ReplyDeleteI know flash fiction is supposed to help us hone our skills, but I just cannot get into it.
ReplyDeleteI like that you openly admit to being lazy. Kudos to you!
This is a really great scene. Well done.
ReplyDeleteYou manage to capture violent crime really well in this piece. My overall feeling at reading it was confusion and sadness which is how I think you should feel after you watch people get murdered.
ReplyDeleteQuite compelling. I want the story to go on and on....
ReplyDeleteAgreed with Stephen. This story feels like I should be at least 300 words.
ReplyDeleteI'm convinced you can write a scene. Your prose is great. I'm thinking about starting Where You Belong next. Im sure you're thrilled.
I do like money...
DeleteWell, you got your money from me a Long time ago, I've just had the book in my digital tbr pile for so long I'm not sure when I bought it.
DeleteWow. So chilling. Good job!
ReplyDeleteTerrifying. I love the twist of the two versions of Emma. Very creative.
ReplyDeleteOh this is so sad. I can't decide which Emma I feel most sorry for.
ReplyDeleteWow. Very powerful indeed. I love the two emma's! Really strong crime scene. I felt like I was there with them. (sorry for any typos, checking blogs on my phone)
ReplyDeletehelplessness! one of the worst feelings!
ReplyDeletegreat job!
That's good writing. I'm interested in the plot.
ReplyDeleteThat was a scary scene; I can't imagine what the 19-year-old Emma must be going through to watch it all over again.
ReplyDeleteAlso wanted to say thanks for signing up for my blogfest!
Very strong emotions here, poor Emma - and what an original idea to have to versions of herself!
ReplyDeleteTough scene. It's heartbreaking.
ReplyDeletewow, that's a powerful piece.
ReplyDelete